Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I understand how hurricane paths work

Why do girls in Indian top colleges wear shorts?

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

I know who the president of Turkey really is

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

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I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

How do the Sola Scrptura folks react to the Dead Sea Scrolls and other more recent discoveries of ancient Biblical texts not among those canonized by Martin Luther?

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I can count

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

How did Madri, mother of Nakula and Sahadeva die?

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

I have complete contempt for traitorism

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I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

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Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

What is your craziest/worst Halloween story?

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

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I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I actually pay taxes

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

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It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

Why am I so jealous towards couples? Why am I tired of being single and feel my life is over?

I have complete contempt for fakery

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

Why is the word "democracy" not in the preamble of the US Constitution?

I can read

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

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I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I don’t buy bullshit

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

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I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I have a reading level above third grade

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I don’t cotton to rapists

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I see through liars